About Helen’s GroupsFinding Wisdom, Deepening Self-Compassion
Feedback from previous groups:
"This day truly honoured the space of every individual soul."
"Helen has a way of distilling what is muddy to something clear and focused."
"This retreat helped me gain clarity….special and magical!"
“I so enjoyed your inviting and warm spirit within the group. It was a very thoughtful and healing environment.”
"It was such a lovely and helpful of peace, introspection, and joy."
"We all have the capability of being compassionate and showing grace to others but many of us lack in the ability to show ourselves this same kindness. Wherever you are in your self-compassion journey, this retreat will help cultivate and grow this skill."
“Helen never fails to deliver, I’ll be back!”
No daily commitment to set periods of sitting/meditation practice!
For those who have experienced other types of meditation training groups, I don’t ask or expect for a specific amount of ‘sitting practice’ involving sitting for a set amount of time to meditate. I teach how to integrate self-compassion ‘light landings’ through the day, in motion and in pauses for those who find sitting meditation practices difficult (such as having ADHD or pain and discomfort, trauma reactions to positive or negative feelings or too much mind chatter). If you do enjoy sitting meditation then this learning will also enhance your process during the meditation you practice.
About my practice and training in Mindful Self-Compassion
I have worked with Kristen Neff’s research and publications on Self-Compassion since 2009 and Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction process (John Kabatt-Zinn) since 1999. I hold certification from the Centre for Mindful Self-Compassion in their nine month intensive training program for Self-Compassion in Psychotherapy (SCIP, 2022). I have personally and professionally found self-compassion to be a game-changing approach for clearing out the self-critical and harmful thoughts towards ourselves and found this to be the number one skill for being able to attune to your own unique wisdom for wayfinding in life’s ups and downs.
More about my qualifications, therapy practice, and CV at www.helenjbutlin.com
Why is self-compassion so game changing for mental health & thriving?
The science and practice of self-compassion is a foundational approach for accessing your own unique ‘wisdom-compass’. It is a skill that blends mindfulness skills with a sense of shared humanity and training your mind to develop a compassionate wisdom from within. It changes your relationship with self and others, life and the world.
I teach Mindful Self-Compassion skills to each new client in my practice yet we find that it is the dialogue and ‘wisdom conversation’ that is where the real learning takes place in more of an apprenticeship mode. My groups model this apprenticeship style learning and are both structured and flexible depending on the group process.
‘Being human’… compassionately!
A kinder attitude towards your own imperfect, messy humanity transforms your relationship with life, self and others. A kinder gaze towards yourself brings a sense of easing up on yourself, fewer harsh messages internally about yourself, less inner stress and distress caused by the self-criticism and a release from the incessant ‘perfectionist’ coaching you to ‘better’ and ‘more’, efforting and feelings of ‘not good enough’ or imposter syndrome.
You find over time more gentleness for yourself (and others!), less reactivity, improvement in your mood and sense of well-being. Compassion for ourselves will slowly steep us into a sense of friendship and solidarity with our ‘messy’ human self and the messiness of life. It creates flexibility in our nervous system to anchor and go with the flow to re-calibrate and wisely navigate through unpredictability, distress and challenges. With more self-compassion can come:
· A joy appearing without repressing the sorrows
· a sense of grounding hopefulness without numbing out to reality and the ‘as is’
· a greater and longed for peacefulness in ‘being you’ without disengaging from the world
· greater courage, energy, and capacity to listen to your creative flow and offer your gifts to the world for meaningful change
Studies have shown that it actually deepens our compassion for others rather than increasing self-absorption and this is my experience also. More on the research and science here.
Value of group learning
This is not a therapy group and its focus is on personal skill development and shared learning.
I keep groups small, with a maximum of 12, which enables me to work more specifically with each unique learning style, discoveries, questions and for you to bring your own contributions to the learning. One of my skills honed over many years of facilitating groups is working with ‘what’s emerging in the room’. Each group tends to take on its own unique life and learning process.
The magic of group wisdom-discovery
You will get a great deal more than the outline of the sessions and simply learning ‘the practices’. You’ll see the magic of wisdom discovery, in and through one another, and bear witness to the greater, underflowing wisdom of our human psyche rising up to meet, nourish and support us…when we listen carefully and get the old inner critic to retire to a beach somewhere! There is great strength in a circle practicing this approach together.
Each group has a living organic process that you are a part of and sometimes group members find a peer to continue on in a buddy pair to keep up the learning together. (Comments from previous group participants below).
This is often what is given the most positive feedback as making my group experiences unique and valuable. No two groups are identical in content, your psyche guides the process tool.
What group learning can stir up: Be prepared
It’s important to be aware of the difference between a therapy group and skills training group.
The process of bringing more compassion to ourselves can stir previously dormant feelings, losses, trauma. It can bring to our awareness situations that have been numbed to and worn down with resignation and go more deeply into healing wounds that have been explored and given healing previously. Groups, along with the power of self-compassion, can stir these deeper, perhaps buried issues as well as stir a powerful need for change and hope. This is why I have never stopped training, learning and keeping up with current research on trauma and psychotherapy. I guide each person and keep an eye on what is arising and will sometimes reach out for one-on-one debriefing if I think it helpful depending on what arose in a group session. I offer myself and my skills fully into the process and make myself available between the sessions for brief consultation and debriefing as needed and will guide you to what may be most helpful (resources or what to take to personal therapy).
In group learning, my facilitation role is to teach the skills and the context of what they are for as well as when to use them. I interact with each group member as you bring your observations and reflections to each specific learning in order to enhance the whole group’s learning about each practice.
I don’t invite the vulnerability of details of personal stories and sensitive content into the group sharing as you’re learning the skills, only your experiences of trying the practices. This sharing provides the organic ad hoc teaching points that emerge from the group discussions and learning. You can see/experience me modelling the compassionate approach to what is arising with guidance and pointers as to how to work with your experiences.
There’s richness in being part of a group learning together. It greatly deepens ‘shared humanity’ and we learn together what it means to live comfortably with being “being a compassionate mess” (Neff & Germer, 2018). Fundamentally, this is the foundation of realizing our wisdom-in-life.
Please take a moment to consider the following two self-directed checklists below to see if this group is right for you at this time.
Knowing if this the right time for you to have a group learning experience
Groups can appropriate for us at one time and yet not at another. It’s not about being ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ others. Sometimes personal support is better and sometimes group learning is just what we need.
Please use the two Group Readiness or Individual Therapy Checklists to determine if this is the right time for engaging in group learning. Our benefit from groups can flux and change depending on our particular needs at given times.
Assess what is best for you.
Yes, this group is a good fit at the moment if you have:
· You feel relatively stable emotionally, grounded and life isn’t full of roller coaster issues currently
· No major trauma experiences in the past 6 months
· No active recreational substance or prescription drug over use/dependence or major addictions
· A current activation of any major mental health issues (PTSD symptoms, depressive disorder, manic episode etc)
· Time to read the material assigned each week (about one hour max)
· Willingness and commitment to practice your learning
· Be comfortable to share in a group your observations & experiences of the learning
· Be able to anchor & recover reasonably well if emotional triggers & distress are activated
· Preserve your boundaries around content and time in sharing your observations on doing the practices
· Respectfully listen to others with non-judging compassion
If you’re not sure, please email me directly for a conversation and we can discern together: helenjbutlin@gmail.com
Is individual therapy better right now?
Hello, World!
Use this checklist to see if individual therapy is more suitable at this time:
· You’re going through a particularly difficult time or in acute distress
· You’ve experienced a trauma in the past 6 months
· Are living with a significant amount unprocessed personal trauma (past or present)
· Are aware you need to change dependency on substances to help with coping
· Have not ever had psychotherapy with a licensed practitioner in the past 10 years or less than 6 months at any time
· Have difficulty interacting with others without experiencing charged emotional triggers that make it difficult to focus, feel emotionally safe, and re-calibrate within a short time
· Are in an intimate relationship where there are dynamics of control, high conflict, angry attacks on your character, acute feelings of low self-worth, gaslighting, and/or physical, psychological abuse (If any of these dynamics are present in your intimate relationship(s) please know, you are not alone and I strongly recommend you seek individual support (link for resources – and before you click on the links it is strongly advised to use a device or computer that absolutely no one else has access to)
If you’ve answered yes to any of the above then it indicates that you’d benefit more from individual therapy. One-to-one with a licensed practitioner can better create emotional and psychological safety with skilled safeguarding and grounding for what arises with emerging feelings and insights.
Please feel free to email me if you’re not sure, or know you want individual sessions in my practice (spots available currently) or would like names of therapists I’d recommend: helenjbutlin@gmail.com
Having gone through both of the above checklists and you see that they indicate this is a good time for this Self-Compassion learning group then you’re warmly invited to join me in this basic skill training in Finding Wisdom through Self-Compassion.
You’re ready, it’s right for you at this time and want to join this group
Registration with full payment
E-transfer to: helenjbutlin@gmail.com
No refunds from 2 weeks prior to starting date.
Prior to 2 weeks before groups start a 25% administration fee will be subtracted from the refund.
Questions? Call me at 519-281-8675 or email: helenjbutlin.com
For more on self-compassion see April 9, Blog: https://helenjbutlin.com/wise